Why we'd rather go to the schools on television

1.
One of the greatest things about these schools is the students’ amazing ability to bring out perfectly synchronised impromptu song and dance routines, and still manage to look cool doing it. Those long days spent practising the dance moves to Single Ladies just don’t seem to have the same effect. These guys just do it so much better; from McKinley High School in Glee, bursting with Broadway tunes and bitchy cheerleaders, to Rydell High in Grease, with the sassy Pink Ladies and sexy (…go on, admit it) T-Birds.

2.
But if singing and dancing is too much for a school to provide, then not to worry; most movie schools tend to make up for it with beautiful teachers. Bradley Cooper in The Hangover is quite simply gorgeous; I’d definitely go back to high school if it meant I could stare at him all day. Hell, detention would be fun! Mr Schu in Glee also isn’t half bad; and, although he may not be the sexiest teacher to date, Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society is just the nicest, loveliest person ever.

3.
Some of the goings-on at these schools are just fantastically surreal – Back To The Future, anyone? Marty goes back in time, when his parents are both in high school, and has to simultaneously reject his mother whilst helping his dad hook up with her; sheer brilliance. Although this very specific situation may not be top on the list of things I’d like to do, going back in time would definitely be up there. Only after impromptu singing and dancing, of course.

4.
No list of movie schools would be complete without a reference to Hogwarts. That’s right; the one and only School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, attended by a certain Harry Potter. It’s hard to know where to start with this one, but somewhere that offers lessons in Potions, Charms and Transfiguration, to name a few, clearly beats boring old Maths and English. There are also nine secret passages, a Forbidden Forest, and you get to travel via the Hogwarts Express. So, what are we waiting for? I’ll meet you on Platform 9 ¾.

5.
The fantastic ways students move from high school to university. Even recently, in the last series of Skins, both Pandora and Thomas managed to get a scholarship to Harvard – in Thomas’ case, by running really fast. Honestly. They’re not the only characters to get into Harvard unconventionally – Elle in Legally Blonde was accepted after sending in a ‘film essay’. A top degree and fabulous clothes? Very jealous indeed.

6.
Speaking of fabulous clothes, the fashion in these movie high schools is incredible. Those mini-skirts and feather boas from Clueless? Just amazing. Not to mention the crop tops and trainers in 10 Things I Hate About You, along with the huge prom dresses, platform-sandal hybrids, and far too many white trousers. On second thoughts, maybe it’s the type of fashion to be admired from a distance…

7.
One element of all high school movies that quite simply never fails to impress me is the ‘geeky makeover’ scene, à la Clueless and Princess Diaries. If only all of us slightly nerdy girls could have some miracle sleepover where it turns out we were actually pretty damn hot along, and we just needed some contact lenses and a decent haircut to transform into the next Scarlett Johansson. Sigh. Maybe then Bradley Cooper would be interested.

8.
It’s brilliant how horrible people always get what they deserve. In real life, the school bully tends to get away with it, but, in the movies, they almost always seem to get their comeuppance. Whether it’s Regina in Mean Girls getting hit by a bus, or Kathryn having her previously flawless reputation destroyed in Cruel Intentions, we love to see the nasty girls get punished.

9.
And, last but not least, the wild and often downright crazy parties that always go down in movie schools and colleges have to get a mention. Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder is testament to this rule of thumb, as well as showing that students in movies are clearly way more attractive than they could ever be in real life. American Pie – and all the spin-offs – also epitomises the spirit of ‘partying hard’… although certain scenes with an apple pie may stand out more. Or Stifler drinking ‘tainted’ beer. Or Finch and a pool table. On second thoughts, perhaps it’s best we don’t go to movie high schools after all…

For Film24