My Last Ever Blog ...

..Okay. Not really. But it might as well be.

MY LIFE IS OVER.

Let me set the scene. I was at home, with my housemates, happily watching Celebrity Big Brother, hoping Dane would win (the public know NOTHING), not a care in the world. And then Davina announced that we could audition for the last ever Big Brother, and to check online now.

I ran to the computer, opened up Firefox as quickly as my trembling hands would allow, and hurriedly went to the channel4 website, beaming with excitement.

"Ah, Big Brother, I will be with you soon", I thought, as I opened the auditions page.

But then - oh it hurts to even talk about - I read the dates. I couldn't believe it. Most of the auditions had already happened. There were only the Glasgow ones left (for this weekend), and London for next weekend - and I already had tickets to go to Warwick.

My lifelong dreams had been shattered. I was destroyed. I have tried to see it as being fate, as a sign from God, it just wasn't meant to be. But I just can't let go. I was meant to be in that house.

Even worse than that, the Deal or No Deal website has been telling me 'server busy' for the last two days. I don't understand the world.

I JUST WANT TO BE ON TELEVISION.

There's only one thing for it. I must date a Rolling Stone. I'll let you know how it goes.

Crucial Conundrum

I now know what it feels like to be old. I have literally reached that point in life where I realise I am no longer a child and that my days will now consist of complaining about politics and getting drunk on two glasses of wine.
How have I come to this decision? Snow.

For a London girl, snow at Christmas time should make me excited beyond my wildest dream. When I was younger I would fantasise about building snowmen in the same way other girls would dream about marrying Robbie Williams.

So surely this winter should've made me the happiest person in the world? Unfortunately not.

Instead of frolicking in the beautiful piles of fluffy, delicious snow, I am sat inside a freezing house, with numerous amounts of blankets, a microwavable reindeer and at least 7 pairs of socks. Complaining. About the cold. And the state of the roads.
Even though I can't drive. That's how bad it is.

Soon I'll be complaining about the youth of today, and their inconsiderate habit of having FUN, and why don't we bring back Tony Blair, he was such a handsome young man, and, oh my God, what are you doing, turn the channel over, WE'RE MISSING COUNTDOWN.
Although, to be honest, Countdown is a jolly good show.
I wonder if they show it on 4OD?